Vegas, baby.

I haven't been feeling old enough lately, so I signed up for a trip to Vegas on my first gal-pal trip in well over 20 years. Mission: Tom Jones show at the MGM Grand.

Honestly, I didn't have very high hopes after the 4-hour plane ride with the married couple who apparently didn't know each other AT ALL. They never, ever, EVER stopped talking. The yard, the cars, the neighbors, the basement, the girls, the soccer team, the scouts, the school, the shoes, the shut the hell up. (I was never happier for my iPOD.)

But, once we got through the very confusing hotel check-in process and did a thorough bedbug check, it worked out to be a wonderful trip and one for which I will always be grateful.

I doubt I'll go back in this lifetime (unless Tom makes me), but I enjoyed a lot of things about Vegas. I talked to my son one night and told him that I thought he'd like the town very much. "There are lots of girls with very little clothing on." He said, "Well, duh. It's hot as hell there."

Best Meal: Tao. Period.

Best Snack: Gelato in Ital...I mean, the Venetian Grand Canal Shoppes

Best Dessert: Apple Crisp at the Grand Lux Cafe

Best Drink: Still looking

Best Vibe: Bellagio Cafe/Gardens/Fountains

Best Casino: They weren't all the same?

Best People-Watching Perch: The Venetian casino on a Friday night. My neck is still not itself.

Best Surprise: Dior mini-makeovers

Best Moment: The surprise birthday gift from Sheila - the most creative and thoughtful gift ever

Most Memorable Gal Conversation: The Will-Call line at the Venetian

Most Memorable Boys: Boothbay Harbor firemen in the hotel check-in line and the fine, upstanding one helping his elderly mother at the Vegas airport gate

Best Laugh: Deciding that the reason nobody waited on us in Jimmy Choo was because Sheila was wearing her sandals from the Tractor Supply store, not because of my JC Penney purse

Best part of the airplane experience: The man in the middle who reached up and adjusted my air for me on the way home. "Is that good?" "More?" "Here?" It made us laugh.

Best Show: Phantom of the Opera (That dude who plays the Phantom could sell ice to eskimos with that voice.)

And the Best of the Best of the Best brings me to Tom, of course: Oh. My. God. Worth the entire credit card bill. The charisma, the machismo, the sex that oozes off that man. It's just more than this old gal can handle. When he asked, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?", the whole audience shook its collective head and said practically in unison, "It's just you, baby, it's just you." Typical man, though. Wasn't long enough. I just thought I was addicted to him before. Now I've moved on to Tom hoarding. And, no, thank you very much, I do not need nor want an intervention.

Next stop...somewhere sitting down. Maybe even lounging. With Cape Cod Cabana boys fetching us the perfect drinks.