It’s scary to think that this time next year, things will be so different. I’ve lived with someone for the last twenty years, seventeen of those being just with my son.

We’ve had our problems this year. Since he turned seventeen, it’s been a little like living with someone you want to divorce. It sounds harsh until you hear that he feels the same way. In fact, I’ve been told recently that the happiest day in his life will be the day he no longer has to live with me.

Yea, I’m an ogre, whatever, been there, done that.

Still, it feels lonely already. No sound of a key in the door at midnight on weekend nights. No nightly conversations about what happened that day. No noise or lights or flickering screens coming from his room each night. No constant ringing of his telephone. No truck in the garage every morning. No 6am alarm to fix breakfast. No “I’m home from school” phone calls.

I’ll be the mother of an adult. That means motherhood no longer defines me. I’m just going to be me. Scary!

At the same time, it feels freeing and exciting. I can go places. I can do things I want to do, without weighing his enjoyment. I can take some time off. I can get my graduate degree. I have options I don’t even know about yet.

Frankly, I’m a little grateful for the dog and the college bills to come. Because of them, I can only take baby steps into this new life full of just me. ACK.