I have been off-track the last couple of months in a lot of ways - socially, personally, professionally, politically, and spiritually. I grapple with self-doubt and discipline anyway, but I’m having the most trouble lately remembering that I am loved by the Divine who only wants the best for me. And without this, my struggles forget to form single lines and erupt in loud playground chaos in my head.
But I’m rallying.
The life I have wanted and planned for years has felt exhausting, just entirely out of reach and too much trouble anyway. For over a decade, I have had a clear vision of how I want things to be: my perfect work day, my writing, my home, the perfect month sprinkled with the right amount of friends, love, and trips here, there and everywhere. Until recently when it has felt like it was dreamt by someone else.
But I’m rallying.
I don’t know why I’m having such troubles now of all times, unless it’s related to my fairly solitary life. I know that solitude allows for more time with the divine, but sometimes a gal just needs to hear a voice. A little godly encouragement expressed by a human can go a long, long way. I have been exposed to new people lately - people I’m not accustomed to and who make me, through no fault of their own, feel more inadequate than ever. Positive, filled-with-love, traveling and doing, marching to their own drummers, creative, talented, expressive, open, fearless and happy people. I asked the Universe for this, and I am enjoying these people in my life, but the examples are unnerving and contributing to my paralysis. Exercises in maturity and growth and preparation are always so hard. Hmmph, deep breath, and sigh of exhaustion.
I get that I have choices and that my attitude and life are up to me. I do. I even understand that the time alone and times with new shining examples of how I want to be are good for me and divine intervention. So, I've decided to borrow the “Yes, we can” mantra and remember that “we” are my God and me.
And we’re rallying. I guess now we'll have to head to the game.